Take Me Home Country Roads . . .

Our adventures today will start with Beems Bottom Covered Bridge in Mt. Jackson - we are going to just go where the wind blows us from there. We load up the car. That, is an adventure in itself. There are coats of many colors...it is 69 degrees and windy - Like a Tornado in Kansas Windy, Not a Kite flying on the Beach Windy - so we have jean jackets, flannel shirts (hi babe!), black heavy coats and I feel really smart for finding a really warm looking coat in the hall closet and throwing in there, we have purses, the rather large camera backpack, 5 (yes five) boxes of Girl Scout Cookies, a box of Whitman chocolates that my loving brother sent his beautiful wife and we are all enjoying, 3 cell phone and appropriate chargers and not one, not two, but THREE GPS operating systems (this is counting Vivian's internal GPS) I believe the Space Shuttle has fewer navigational systems (of course it probably has less food too) - as I throw everything in the back of SUV I notice jug of Sangria that we purchased last night - decide to keep in car, might come in handy later.

We are on our way - well, kinda. One GPS isn't talking (for purposes of this story, if the GPS being referred to is Vivian, it will be the VPS), by the way, the one that wasn't talking was not the VPS. We find our way to Mt. Jackson and stop at the Welcome Center to pick up brochures. We discover that near the covered bridge we are headed to, there is a corn maze. There are pictures of the corn maze and it looks fun. For anyone who has never seen one, basically it is a huge field of corn with the maze you must find your way through. Dust is flying (but don't worry Sophia, we are not speeding...) and we are filled with anticipation and excitment...Vivian is wondering if she is wearing the right shoes for a corn maze. We make the turn and the car erupts with laughter - there is the very large, very bare Corn Maze Field. What we forgot to take into consideration in all the excitement and what three GPS systems could not tell us was that you must have corn, it must be in season which is not going to happen in the winter.

Beautiful Bridge - we are walking around and exploring the bridge - very narrow covered bridge. I am walking toward Susan who is at the opposite end of the bridge - I hear something look behind me - it is a tractor, the Double-Wide version of a tractor pulling something behind it that swings a little from side to side...it is as tall as it is wide and bright red. Vivian and I hold our breath wondering if the tractor is going to make it through the narrow bridge...that is not what we should have been worried about, as the tractor enters the bridge we start to see arms waving - and then we see her - it is Susan - My lovely Susan is playing chicken with a DoubleWide Tractor pulling a swingy thingy. I realize then and there I will have a lot of material for the blog tonight. I was right!!

The only thing that outnumbers navigational devices in our car would be the vast number of brochures we picked up in Mt. Jackson - we decide that going to the Potato Chip Factory would be fun. Susan and Vivian are excited about seeing them make the chips, I am having a vision of Lucy and Ethel in the chocolate factory and hoping that these two will give me a story just a funny. So far they certainly have not let me down. Think about this - if I have put this much in the blog...how much have I left out. These two are hilarious and I am having one of the best vacations of my life.

In route to said factory, we are stopped by train - look to left and there is a museum - park, pay, enter...WOW. This museum houses floats from parades - big parades like the Rose Bowl Parade - they are beautiful and we even got to sit on some of them. Our personal tour guide (we were the only ones in the entire museum), Debbie, was great. She gave us lots of interesting tidbits - she pointed out a tree with flowers that had been on a float in a parade - she said the flowers on the tree were flowers from the tables at the Inaugeration Dinner of President Kennedy. It was truly breathtaking and it was fun sitting on the floats too. We stop in the gift shop on the way out and look around. They have some beautiful candles. Vivian finds a pretty blue one and we look at the name and CRACK UP...in the midst of candles with names like Honeysuckle, Grandmas Cookies, etc. - Vivian is holding BUTT NAKED Candles. Susan and I said the name out loud at least 69 times until Vivian was beet red. We bought the candle for Vivian and things only got worse. The really good thing is that other than Debbie and a guy that worked there that never talked, although in all fairness he was not given much opportunity, we were still the only ones in the joint. I am over buying a dog tag that says Chris to wear around my neck...how sweet! And Susan has found the Love Meter - this is the machine you put the quarter in and it will tell you how hot you are baby. We all did this - oh, and did I mention Susan's shirt was kinda unbuttoned, you need to know this...so anyway, we do the Love Meter and there is much discussion about the meter readings. Let's start putting this together...butt naked, Susan's shirt mis-buttoned, we might have mentioned that we bought her butt naked candles because she (Vivian) walks around BN (She Doesn't and she will require that such a disclaimer be in this blog), and the very indepth discussion over Love Meter Readings, well I guess they all started running through Vivians head and put it on overload, maybe it was the VPS, but suddenly in the middle of the enchanted forest gift shop Vivian proclaims AND WE ARE NOT LESBIANS. I am sitting on the red velvet throne for this proclamation and it is a good thing - I would have wet my pants. This too will come up again in todays blog. Good Bye Debbie and thank you!

It is now 2 something and we need to eat some lunch. We are headed to the Italian joint that Debbie told us about and lucky me as there are three GPS systems telling me how to get there - the one that was not talking earlier is now talking and her owner is repeating what she says, just in case I could have possibly missed any of it and Lord knows, I tried. Our lunch was great, and so was the service. We are happy and head out...for the Shenandoah National Forest that we could not get into yesteday. On the way we stop at the Woodstock Rescue Squad for Apple Butter - there is no one in there and we start to leave the money and take the AB, but Vivian slides down the pole and finds somebody (ok, she didn't really slide down the pole, but if there had been one she would have..)...might I add that we were originally headed to Walmart and then Rescue Squad, but we passed it because NOT ONE GPS WAS ON!! Make it to WM - quick trip, most important purchase is John Denver Greatest Hits (really miss you Mary Beth) as it only seems right for this day - about 72 degrees (but when it gets cold we are prepared) and beautiful blue skies!

We arrive at the SNF and it is beautiful - Susan and I have both been there before and we are both enjoying Viv's reaction as we remember our first time there. We stop at several overlooks, take some pictures and look for deer ( I have seen deer both times I have been there and wish I had not said that as I am not sure it is going to happen today). We are on a mission to find a hiking trail - preferably one that ends at a waterfall. We stop at several - although we are not very experienced hikers, we know these are not for us - words like - very intense, extreme, experienced, dangerous, many many hours - words like this let us know. Finally we stop at Big Rock Woman Trail (okay, it was Little Stoney Man Trail, but hey it is our journey...) it is about a mile round trip, but is is straight up. We decide to go for it. It is now about 52 degrees and very windy, so I break out the really warm coat from the back of the car - having learned nothing about being overdressed from my Natural Bridge adventure. I must say this coat now completes my look, I am officaly Miss Fahnsestock. Black work out pants, white tank top, grey OTS sweat shirt (thanks babe...), drab grey/green warm coat about 4 sizes too big, brown plaid tennis shoes and a bright green scarf to brighten the whole ensemble. Enough about me, just trying to give you a visual, things I learned from this hike, that I will never forget again and would like to pass on to all of you:

• Before you go for your hike - pee.
• Read the sign that shows the route, BEFORE you start up the mountain.
• Before you go for your hike - pee. (all you men out there can just shut up!)
• If you did not do 1 and 3 above, then when someone in your group hops on a log and says SAVE A HORSE RIDE A LOG, sit down immediately!

We get to the top of the very high mountain (when you live in Florida, all mountains are very high - and when you climb them they are even higher...) - the sign below had said it was the best place in the park to watch the sunset (yes, we read that part, not the part that showed which direction the trail went) and it was so beautiful - we were very proud of ourselves. I might add that about 5 minutes into the trip I was now carrying the oh-so-warm-aren't-I-glad-I-brought-it-coat and by 20 minutes I was also carrying the sweatshirt. There are these big rocks right on the edge of said very big mountain and Susan is Rose and the Rock is Titanic and the Picture is Priceless and I can't believe she is doing it! We head back down, I guess Vivian thinks the Corn Maze Prize must still be up for grabs and she is gone - like in five minutes down the mountain. I am the last one down as I am taking pictures. In the quiet I hear something, I can tell it has four legs and is not a real heavy animal, my guess is a deer, not heavy enough to be a bear. I stand on a flat rock for what seems like forever, but was really about five minutes (or a trip down the mountain for Vivian). I am hoping if I am really still I will be able to get a picture. Keep hearing the animal and I am excited - still standing very still. As I am standing there I start to question when I learned so much about wild animals and their movements - how do I know the sound a deer makes from that of a bear? Whosh, down with Vivian and Susan. As I am telling them this story and we are rounding a bend, we come upon Two Deer! We stop the car and take the pictures and decide that it was in fact a perfect day.

As we are rounding the bend and heading towards home - the JD CD purchased earlier is still playing and we are singing Country Roads - Susan is singing with her head out the window as she is a little sick from all the turns and twists in the dark, but other than that it was one of my favorite days and I can't wait to bring Chris up here and go hiking with him and get to see him experience this beauty for the first time.

And Then There Where Three . . .

The day started earlier for some than others - yours truly was once again the first one up. Fixed coffee, pancakes and you will never guess - bacon - for breakfast. What to do...the weather was a bit icky - we decided to take a walk - I might add that all parties involved had on very comfortable walking shoes today. As we started on our vigorous walk, we had gone about 5 feet when we discovered that the card in my camera was not working - what with all the primping that had gone into getting camera ready for any "candid" shots that might happen that day. Okay, not everyone had primped and I don't want to reveal who, but let's look at our last blog, like someone who might care so much about looking good they wear high heels on a hike, just maybe, not definately. So the walk was aborted about 30 seconds in. We headed in to Rite Aid to get card for camera - too expensive we will get it at WalMart later - let's get a pedicure. Three massage chairs, while there was only one girl in the shop - it did not matter as we were all in the oh-so-comfortable massage chairs - Vivian got a french, Susan Hot Pink and Kate Turquoise Blue (for Jody) - I of course was taking pictures (not with the aforementioned not-yet working camera, but with the never-far-from-me cell phone). Vivian graciously offered to take a picture of me with my handy-dandy camera phone - and then doubled over - at first Susan and I thought maybe she had chipped a pretty french, but no, Vivian who always claims to be technically chanllenged (although she does have a built in GPS, but more on that later) realized that she had in fact taken a picture of HERSELF. While that might not sound too funny and any of us could do that - she is literally on the floor of the salon, laughing with tears streaming down her face - mind you this is at the end of our laughter filled session and I think the owner thought the coke and diet coke that Susan brought in contained something extra. Come to think of it, both Vivian and Susan were very relaxed...

On to lunch - it has been several hours and no mention of food. We decide to take the advice of Bridgett and try Big and Lil' D's - we ask at the salon and they tell us it is "right around the corner..." As you will recall, I mentioned yesterday that you should always try to get specifics distance...this would come back to haunt us. Since toes were still wet - except Viv who opted for fingers...the very nice lady gave Susan and I real flip-flops, not just the flimsy paper ones...blue for susan to match her blue shirt and green to match my green scarf...off we go to the diner...right around the corner...NOT. We realize as we reach the not too elegant section of Queen Street that we really have no idea where we are going...Susan and I both reach the conclusion that our cute flip-flops hurt like hell - we are reluctant to tell Vivian, what with all the ribbing over the Hiking Heels and all. Vivian sees a man up ahead and decides to suck some directions out of him - I take this opportunity to use a trick that I learned from my dear friend Vivian (who has had some shoe issues in the past...) and I switch my flip-flops, by switch, I mean they are now on the wrong feet - this might sound odd, but it stops rubbing the sore spots and starts making new ones. By now we catch up with the nice man who tells us the restaurant is just around the corner - I don't ask for more details as I don't want to draw attention to my feet - TOO LATE. I pretend not to notice his stares and Susan and Vivian pretend not to notice me. I catch up with them (I think Susan's feet are feeling better - she is walking as fast as Viv...) and I tell them that while embarrassed at least he doesn't know I am John and Sophia Ritenour's daughter - at least I only embarrassed the three of us and not the family. Somehow, he is now behind me - this is kind of blur, but it startles me and I scream, not a suttle, oh there is a spider scream, no, more like a meteor is going to hit the earth, scream. He looks at us and says are you from here and I say, no we are from Pensacola Florida, but my parents, John and Sophia Ritenour...

Lunch at Big Lil D's was okay- but the company was great and we replenished our supply of girl scout cookies. I believe the quarter-pounder at this establishment is measured on the metric system . . .Vivian was kind enough to offer to go get the car - we weren't sure if she was just being polite, but we assured her if she was waiting for us to say - oh, that's okay - it wasn't gonna happen - our feet really hurt. She looked at us like we were nuts - and said, well at least you weren't wearing heels - and hiking - for miles...I think I see smoke signals...

We head to WalMart and I realize that we have been here a day and a half and this is my first trip to WM - I think I was on trip four by this time in July!!! Thought of Mom and Dad - had fun adventures with Mom - always got a good cup of coffee and always brought dad some Dunkin Doughnuts Doughnut Holes...Oh, yea - on the way to WM, we take Susan up our long and winding, moonshine making, KATE DON'T LOOK DOWN, road from yesterday - she is impressed and chooses to sit in the middle of the seat. Yesteday, when Vivian and I first ventured down (or up) this narrow, very narrow, winding road - Vivian pondered "I wonder what you do when another car is coming in the opposite direction." Having been in Strasburg many times I somehow felt that made me an expert - never mind that I have never driven on narrow, very narrow, winding roads. I assured her that there was room for one car to pull over. I stand corrected. Today we came face to face with a van - this happened on a bend of the narrow, very narrow, winding road. Both cars stopped (this might be how the game of chicken came about) and so I asked the lady in the passenger seat what we needed to do. She informed me that one of us needed to back up and by one of us she meant me. Afterall she said, he (her driver) was a brand new driver in her car (note to self - why didn't you move him to the passenger seat and take over control since you are such an expert and all....) My oh-so-supportive partners in crime assured me that I could do this - neither one offered to do it for me and so yes, Sophia Zea Ritenour, your daughter backed the car down the narrow, very narrow winding road at the sometimes conflicting direction of my two navigators - one of whom has a built in GPS. Might I add that after some bond-like driving (that is a major joke, but we did not go over the side of the cliff and the car has no scratches) the van with the bearded "new" driver did not even offer a "thank you" smile, nod or waive but Susan did offer them a one-finger salute - that is a joke, she is sitting here and I am messing with her - kinda payback, I have seen her back a car. . . she is good! At this point in the story you need to go back to the image of Vivian laughing so hard at the salon, double over and crying - this is now MaryBeth and Scott as they imagine me backing down the winding road - they have a driveway that is twice as wide as the narrow, very narrow road and it is also a straight shot and 9 times out of 10 they will have to back my car out of the driveway. When I get home I will track down a Let It Be album, put in on Matt's record player and play The Long and Winding Road - backwards - I bet I will hear the mountain woman's voice!

We decide to take naps...Vivian informs us that it is 4:30 and 2 hours from her bedtime -regroup - Susan is going to take a nap and Vivian and I are going to explore. We head to the Shenandoah National Forest - I tell Vivian to bring a jacket - it is 78 degrees, but I assure her once we get to the top of the mountain, it will be cold! The GPS takes us a different way - I went there 2x last summer and I am now lost - beautiful drive. Whenever we veer off course, we call it a Foamhenge, we might just stumble upon something we would not ordinarily have seen. Takes forever, finally we approach the park entrance and lights are flashing everywhere as there has been a horrible wreck - it was a God Thing. We are thankful and decide to see Belle Grove - we drove around and got some great pics. Having a blast and I think it will be an early evening for all. Vivian never did need that jacket - I hear an "I told you so..."

The Journey Starts....

With all the best of intentions to leave early and get to Knoxville for a nice relaxing dinner, we finally hit the road around 3:30 CST - we are laughing that we are finally on the way. Vivian learns early on that when you travel with a Ritenour you talk a lot about food. By 3:35, I was talking about where we should eat dinner - "Are you hungry ALREADY" she asked? No, I replied, just need to know what to look forward to. When we were 69 miles from Montgomery, we decided on Applebees and I asked Vivian to type that into the GPS as I had learned early in my GPS days that typing and driving do not mix well. This would turn out to be, for the next two days at least, a comedy of errors every time we have to type something in. Long story short, we ended up eating somewhere in Alabama at a place called Jack's. Got to Knoxville around midnight. (the next part of this story is dedicated to my loving family, who put up with me on every family vacation, I was the last one out of bed, last one in the car - although I could always count one one of my siblings to have to run back in the house once I finally got in the car!). On Saturday, March 7 - I was up at 4:45 am - that would be morning time - I actually woke up Princess Vivian who is always the first one up! We went to the lobby at 5 to have our complimentary breakfast and we were informed that breakfast did not start for another hour! I exclaimed that this was a first - to which Viv replied = well, not for me! Did not care that we would now have to pay for breakfast, only that after years of hoping to get down while they still had breakfast food and before they put the lunch out - I was too early! We were off! Beautiful Sunrise - great drive.

Kept telling Viv that we had to be in Strasburg before 5 to get to Mr. Crabills for the best bacon - yep that food again. Our partner in crime, Susan, will be flying in to DC arriving at 4:30 - I wish she had been in the car with us, but after our really early morning, I realized we would probably have a much better vacation together if it did not start out getting her up at O-Dark-Thirty as She-Does-Not-Like-It. (Note: when you write the blog, you always appear to be the most charming, easy going, loveable person - I learned this from my cousin Martha :-) )

It is about lunch time and I have talked to my numerous family members at least 30 times so far - Vivian has realized that we talk a lot, eat alot and talk about eating alot - she is over in the passenger seat practicing Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy for the Karoke competition. Did I mention it was lunch time? We decide - okay maybe it was me when I screamed - LONG JOHN SILVERS - there was a Long John Silvers Sign - did you see that Viv - do you want to eat lunch at LJS - did she really think NO was an option at this point? Stopped in Salem - GPS not updated, LJS now a McDonalds - no problem, we call 911, I am sorry, I mean 411 - only an emergency to a Ritenour. We finish lunch and we are off to Strasburg - we will arrive in plent of time to make it to Mr. Crabills. Dad has given me enough money to bring him back 40 pounds of stuffed sausage, mom has informed me that 12 pounds should be plenty! We have stopped by WalMart to get some cds - and have a good variety of pop, rock, Christian and Rap - Vivian is seriously considering chaning her karoke tune to Closer or Dopeman.

When we are about 2 hours from Strasburg we decided to stop at Natural Bridge - it is really a beautiful site. In looking for the actual bridge, we stumble upon Foamhenge - that would be a foam replica of Stonehenge! We are both laughing so hard we are crying. Get out and climb up the hill - the gate is locked but other people are up there - Vivian was a girl scout FOREVER and never breaks the rules, so I figure if she will do it (for you Ritenours, it would be like Sophia doing something - you would feel safe in following suit!). I had visions of my neices and nephews running around up here and in particular, my Jim Bob saying - Watch This - and attempting to climb the Stone replicas, causing them to tumble like dominos.

We finally find the actual bridge, they have it hidden in this HUGE building marked NATURAL BRIDGE TICKETS AND ENTRANCE. I might add the same entrance I used years ago when I was here with Susan and gang. Last week the wind chill was 2 and today it is 80 degrees - we are both a little warm, with Vivian in very stylish (very, very warm) black, velvety pantsuit with heels. Remember the heels - visualize the heels as you read this story. Also, remember our luggage is in the car and we know we are going to walk. Okay, we go to natural bridge and take lots of pictures. We are trying to decide if we should walk the little trail past the bridge. Mary Kate who was all of 18 or so and worked there told us it was a "short little walk" (lying %#*&@) and we would enjoy it. Looking at my watch and realizing that we would still have time to make it to get bacon, we move on. It is warm and Vivian is in heels - I offered to get us the matching Virginia is for Lovers T Shirts but I think Viv was afraid people would think we were tourist from Ca and supporters of Proposition 8. We pass the Indian Village and I swear there were smoke signals that said "Crazy White Woman in Heels" I mention this to crazy white woman in heels and she does not laugh - I think her feet hurt. We pass all these little sites, mines lost rivers, in search of the waterfall that Mary Kate told us was waiting for us at the end. We see snow - it is 80 and we see snow. We get so excited and people look at us like we are crazy. We are dressed for sub-zero weather, Vivian is in HEELS and this is why they think we are crazy - we make a snowball or two - I throw one at Vivan - she does not laugh - I think her feet hurt. Off we go - I hope it is a pretty waterfall, because I am in comfortable tennis shoes and my feet are starting to hurt - I don't dare tell Vivian because, did I mention - she is in heels. We are now stopping strangers - not asking them to support Proposition 8, but asking them how far the waterfall is - when someone ask you that don't tell them "not too far." I mean what does that mean? I know that when we get there - I am putting my feet in the water - we finally get there - you can't get to the water! We stay 2 minutes and leave. If I see Mary Kate on the way back I will tell her that a) it is not a short distance it is a long trek, especially for someone in heels and 2) you should tell people that when they finally reach said waterfall they can only look at it! It is okay, we still have bacon.

We head back and decide to stop and put our feet in the creek - I take my tennis shoes with me - I told Viv I felt her heels would be safe on the trail. The water is soooo refreashing and Viv is her happy, cheerful, self again - I don't think her feet her anymore. We walk past the Indian Village and I tell her I see crazy white woman in heels smoke signals again and she still doesn't laugh. We walk what seems like miles and then take the shuttle 3 blocks back to our car. You have never seen a woman, make that any human, run in heels the way that Vivian did when she saw that Shuttle. The man that works there told me I better learn to keep up with my friend - I pointed out that she ran in heels - he was then really impressed!!!

We are now in the car - we are making no more stops until we get to Mr. Crabills. I enter the address in the GPS BEFORE we start moving - and we are off. The GPS tells me to turn on Mt. Zion and my parents tell me to turn on Haun St. I don't see a Haun St., so I turn on MZ - what a beautiful, narrow, VERY HIGH drive. Vivian is both excited and SCARED and keeps saying DON'T LOOK DOWN KATE, WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T LOOK DOWN - which of course, makes me look down and scares me - whoa!! After the beauty and charm of MZ wear off, after we pass through what might have been a moonshine operation and people that I don't think were too excited to see us (of course if Vivian had been wearing her tiara, they might have smiled and waived - heck they might have even offered us some moonshine). I decide to call Mr. Crabill as we are down to 8 minutes until 5 - with 5 being closing time. The man that answers at the store informs me I should have turned on Hahn - I bet your using GPS to get here - I just want some bacon - he tells me to keep going until the road becomes paved. If you are ever getting directions from someone and they tell you this - you might want to ask them - about how far would that be. I felt certain we were going to dead end into the very private property of the moonshiners and never be seen again and never get that bacon.

Got the bacon, Susan made it - her husband/my brother had flowers and candy delivered for her (I secretly wondered if that meant he had purchased a new gun the minute her flight took off) we had a nice dinner and good nights sleep. Thank you mom and dad for making this trip possible and to my siblings, their spouses (whom I love dearly), my neices and nephews and my precious son - very strange to be here without any of you - I think I might take a book or a nap in the bathroom !!! We were here 5 hours with no TV turned on! To Chris and Alex whom I love dearly and I look forward to sharing many wonderful Strasburg experiences with you!!! Love you all and will post later...